Parents Gone Wild

Well Papa go to bed now, it's getting late
Nothing we can say can change anything now
Because there's just different people coming down here now and they see things in different ways
And soon everything we've known will just be swept away

So say goodbye it's Independence Day
Papa now I know the things you wanted that you could not say
But won't you just say goodbye it's Independence Day
I swear I never meant to take those things away                                                  

                                  Bruce Springsteen 1980

“Hey, how's it going?  Haven't seen you in a while.  How are you guys doing?  Great, we’ll have to get together soon. You know, I'm glad that I ran into you.  I've been meaning to talk to you.  We've been friends for a while now, you mind if I talk about something personal?  Good.  It's your son.  I've watched him play sports a few times.  He's absolutely amazing.  He is so far advanced beyond the other kids it's not even funny.  His hand eye coordination is exquisite.  He’s quick as a cat.  He's bigger, stronger, more aggressive, and simply better than the other kids.  He sure looks like a prodigy to me.

So let me be the first to tell you… your son has absolutely no chance of becoming a professional athlete.  Zero.  Nada.  Ain’t gonna happen.  In fact, neither your son or any friend he ever makes in his lifetime will ever make a dollar playing sports. 

The odds of anyone becoming a professional athlete are about one in 25,000. And that's defining a professional athlete broadly, including minor leagues, smaller sports, etc.; in other words, sports that don't pay well.  If you’re talking about making the big bucks in sports like football, basketball, or baseball, the odds are simply off the charts low. First, you are no longer just competing with people from the United States, with a population of over 300 million.  All the major American sports are seeing increased numbers of foreigners, so that you are now competing with the global population of over 6 billion.

Also, have you looked at yourself? What are you, about 5’10”? And what’s your wife, about 5’4”?  Take a look at the rosters of some pro sports teams.  Just about everyone is way over 6 feet tall, even sports that you wouldn't think that you need a lot of height, like baseball.  Since you were an athlete back in the day, you know that if you take two athletes equally skilled the bigger one always comes out on top.

What? You want your kid to earn an athletic scholarship? Well, the odds of that are pretty low too, and be careful what you wish for.  The school offering the scholarship may not be you or your son's first choice.  Also, when you play a college sport, they own you.  Most practice hours a day, in addition to their academic requirements.  I've talked to a few people who played college sports, and some wished they would've had more time to have fun like normal college kids.  Also, what if your son gets into an Ivy League school?  They don’t even give out athletic scholarships.

What did you say? You want your kid to be an Olympic athlete? Okay, now you're just trying to make me angry, right?  If you want to wake your kid up at 5 A.M. every morning and practice hours and hours before school, and have him resent you forever for not having a normal childhood, then I think it's a great idea.  Also, in the miniscule chance that your son becomes an Olympic athlete, who cares? Except for Michael Phelps, can you name any Olympic athlete in either the summer or winter games?  We all watch for two weeks and then we move on.  Seriously, it's okay.

Look, I'm not saying don’t expose your son to sports.  I'm no expert in raising children; in fact, anyone who considers themselves an expert in raising children is suspect in my book.  All I can tell you is that I liked how my parents raised me.  They told me that my one job was to do well in school, and how I spent my free time was up to me.  Expose your kids to everything, force them into nothing.  The funny thing is, I was that kid that just wanted to play sports all day.  And my parents let me.  I wanted to play in leagues and they let me.  They gave me piano lessons but I didn't like them, so they didn't force me to continue.  Nothing was rammed down my throat.  I love them for that.

So old friend, relax.  I don't mean to get you down.  I saved the best news for last.  From what I've seen, your boy is a really smart kid.  I'm guessing he's going to make some serious coin in his life, far more than is made from a pro athlete’s six year average shelflife.  His potential is unlimited, and I’m sure you will provide the framework to unlock it.  Anyway, great talking to you, but I gotta run.  I Tivo’d the Lakers game.”

Have a good night everyone.

                                                                   JR