I'm just a soul whose intentions
are good
Oh Lord please don't let me be
misunderstood
I've got my faults just like anyone
Sometimes I lie awake long
regretting
Some foolish thing, some sinful
thing I've done
Elvis
Costello 1986
You've probably heard by
now that archaeologists in Jerusalem recently dug up a second 10 Commandments, this
one dealing exclusively with Facebook. The
following are my thoughts on whether I can obey or not. Remember, these are God's rules, not mine.
1) Thou
shalt not post any comments about poop, pee, projectile vomiting, or any other
bodily fluids coming from your sick child - Look, we’re parents, it's our job to take care of this stuff. Let's just keep this a secret between us,
okay?
2) Thou
shalt not have an extended Facebook posting conversation with your spouse - Come
on, she’s sitting next to you on the couch, quit playing up for the fans.
3) Thou
shalt not announce when you are going on a trip - I guess God doesn't want you
to get robbed. I don't know though, are any
of your Facebook friends really gonna rob you? I think it's also interesting
knowing where people are traveling. Which
brings me to Commandment number…
4) Thou
shalt post pictures and comments of cool places and events you just got back
from - Hey, at some point in my life when I have time I plan on traveling again,
and I trust a friend’s opinion more than a travel blog.
5) Thou
shalt post cute comments your young children make – Personally, I'm not into
them, but I get the feeling I'm the definite minority here. I just either find them not so cute or don't
really believe the kid said it. The only
logical conclusion is I'm a mean, cold person who hates children.
6) Thou
shalt post pictures of your happy children - Seeing pictures of kids smiling
makes me optimistic for the future. The only logical conclusion is I'm a nice,
warm person who loves children.
7) Thou
shalt not post more than twice a day - Obviously
God is more lenient than I was here.
8) Thou
shalt occasionally tell your spouse that you love them, but shall not post
constant PDAs - Should I say it? Thinking,
thinking… maybe not… still thinking… Oh, what the hell, it's just a blog; For
reasons I think I understand but won’t comment on, my friends that have posted the
most consistently and syrupy about their spouses have gotten divorced. Just sayin’.
9) Thou
shalt tell everyone when you get fired – Huh? Where did this one come from? I've
seen a lot of friends do this, and now that I think about it actually makes
sense. Most jobs come from referrals, and
what better, more efficient way to get a new job than have the people that
actually care about you looking. Also,
maybe it's just me, but I'm always hopeful that after they’re let go a buddy will
go for broke, start their own business, and be rollin’ in it within 3 years.
10) Thou
shalt post frequent, lengthy comments about events that you are at right now – YES! There is a God, this is all the proof you
need. This cracks me up every single
time. There is nothing funnier than
someone showing you how great a time they're having, by interrupting it to
write about what a great time they're having.
Maybe it's me, but this kills me.
Whoever's doing this, please don't stop, my doctor says I need to laugh
more.
God
I enjoy Facebook.
Have a good night everyone.
JR
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